Old at heart

When I was a teenager, my mom used to tell me I wasn't really a teenager - I was a 42-year-old woman in the body of a teenager. My officemate, Fritz, voiced a similar sentiment last week, telling me I was an "old soul" (which I think is partly just his way of making fun of the fact that I don't ever like to go out).

They're right, though. I have always felt a bit "old for my age". I've never been interested in going out to drink and socialize in loud, crowded spaces. I've often been more comfortable talking older folks, rather than people my own age. My name means "youthful," so that's got to count for something, right? Wrong. It probably just means I'm always going to like Rainbow Brite.

There were a couple things this weekend that made me feel particularly old.

First, there was going to the mall. Last time I went to the mall, it was just to Macy's, in the middle of the day, middle of the week, not so crowded. This time, it was on a Saturday. Strolling through the main area of the mall, I felt as old as I've ever felt at the ripe old age of 23. The place was swarming with teenagers: surly, skinny, self-conscious teenagers, looking as fresh-faced as infants, clustered in cliques that gestured emphatically while still managing to look disinterested and dissatisfied with everything around them.

What struck me was how homogeneous they all looked. All wearing the same styles, no one wanting to stand out. And aren't they thinner than they were when I was in high school? Maybe they're just wearing more form-fitting clothes. (Is that possible? Are we moving towards the super-thin latex jumpsuit era of fashion, one skanky outfit at a time?) Whatever the case, they look simultaneously, paradoxically, both unenthusiastic about the entire world and desperate to make a good impression--on anyone of the opposite sex, that is.

Is that just how teenagers are? Maybe so. Maybe I just had my nose too far in a book to see it when I was a teenager myself. But they all seem so bored. Even if that's just superficial, concealing some inner hunger they dare not lay bare on the surface, I don't ever want to be that bored. Life's too short.

Later on, Josh and I went to see Ice Age: The Meltdown. I never saw the original, but Josh liked it, and was keen to see the second one. The median age of the theater crowd was even lower than that at the mall. It was a 9:15 movie, but there was a surprising number of children in the audience. When the movie began, the children were giggling and guffawing at the various antics of the animated mammoth, sloth, and sabertooth tiger, but I couldn't get involved. Not appreciating mindless entertainment? That's the death knell, my friends! Or maybe it just means I'm getting more mature...?

Nah. I still like trying on prom dresses, so I think I'm safe for now.