Capri or not capri: that is the question.

I am to capri pants as Heather from Go Fug Yourself is to leggings. (You must read Heather's post to comprehend the analogy.)

As long as I can remember, I've been vehemently anti-capri. I've always thought they tend to make people look shorter and wider than they really are, which isn't a good thing unless you are an seven feet tall and three inches wide. An anorexic giraffe would look stunning in capris. I made some exceptions to the capri embargo, allowing that perhaps if one could travel back in time to the 1950's and be Audrey Hepburn, capris would be permitted. When capris came back into fashion recently, I relaxed my anti-capri position slightly, supposing that a certain type of dame could carry them off with a jaunty, carefree "these suit my active lifestyle" flair, but they were still a wholly unflattering sort of pant.

Then the other day I found these.

In need of some summer attire, I spotted them at the store and found myself drawn in by the idea of shorts that would conceal more of my thighs than currently "fashionable" ass-crease-revealing hot pants passing themselves off as shorts. After trying them on I was forced to conclude that they did not, in fact, make me look as legless as a Goomba. I could almost picture them, coupled with the right pair of heeled sandals, giving my legs a sort of willowy look last seen when I was a leotarded second grader shaking my caboose to Iko Iko in the Acacia Elementary talent show. I was flabbergasted. I bought them.

I will concede that they are technically "bermuda shorts." However, reviewing their length I'm alarmed by how close they are to being part of the homely capri family. It's a difference of mere inches. My recently acquired shorts could well be the surprisingly hot product of a drunken, dimly lit tryst between a normal pair of shorts and a pair of capri pants.

Do you see why I'm concerned, people? They are still related to capri pants. I bought something that's quite close to something I abhor and disdain. It's like I don't even know myself anymore. Next I'll start liking reggae music and condiments and Armand Assante. What will become of me?